Mi Familia

Mi Familia

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Last Year's Struggles

Going into a new year many times presents itself with new opportunities and solutions to a year left behind. When I evaluate the years past, I must always think of the growth and development that has or has not taken place in a time it should. We don't expect children to go through the years without learning how to walk, talk, add, subtract and continually learn with each month and year they live. Knowing this, I must now apply my expectations and evaluations to my own life.

There are situations, problems and frustrating events that take place in each and every one of our lives that we have internal struggles with. I'm not speaking of the struggles that you tell everyone about, but the battle that is going on in your mind when things don't necessarily go your way. This could be a struggle with faith, marriage, or even the desire to go on with life. Whatever that struggle is, I am feeling the dire need to conquer and defeat that thing I have been struggling with.

I refuse to continue this year with Last Year's Struggles. Many times we think about the years down the line where our struggles will just somehow dissipate and go away, but why not end them now? I am now certain that the battles in my mind will end this year because I plan to do something about it. Unfruitful habits, thoughts and emotions can not dwell in me and with me in a year that I am destined to live in peace and joy. So, by any means necessary I will confront my demons.

I will no longer ignore my thoughts and emotions hoping for a better day or year. I will be fasting, praying, denying myself, sharing my thoughts with my wife, going to counseling, cut people off, or whatever it takes for me to conquer my situation. IT CAN NOT LIVE WITHIN MY MIND ANYMORE.

If anyone would ask me how is life, I would tell them that I have the perfect wife, children, job, church and situation. Yet, I desire to be closer to God and not battle with some of the conflicting ideas and thoughts in my mind. We must all rise above our emotions and trust in the perfect Wisdom of God's Word. THIS YEAR I will do the following:

Treat my wife as the queen she is
Give my kids more of my time at inconvenient times
Do the things I already know my wife wants me to do (without her asking)
Don't hold back from being involved in church because of past hurts
Learn more through information and experience than I have ever learned before
Stop watching so much tv, eating too much food, and spending unnecessary money
Most of all, I will learn more about God than ever before through books, videos, the bible and my pastor

Join me in making this year the best year of your life. Confront the struggles of your life and stop ignoring the pain that has been dwelling and infiltrating your heart. Live in love, peace and joy. And the peace of God shall follow you all the days of your life. Until next time....

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The "S" Word

Don't Hurt Me.....

This word can make a woman cringe, curse you out, and shout threatening words. The "s" word is the "baddest" of all curse words and can cause all fury to come down upon man. It has caused fights, debates, and agony just by someone saying the "s" word. Tell them to cook, clean or take care of the kids by themselves, but don't say the "s" word.

When people realize what this word really means it becomes something totally new. This word creates peace and serenity, joy and happiness to the atmosphere where it is practiced. It is a word that was once used freely with no problems or issues associated with it. No, it's not sex.

So women, don't yell at me, scream at me or squirm in your seats, because that word is "submit". I've heard girls say "your wife is very submissive" as if it's a disease with no cure. "That's a thing of the past" they say about being submissive to your husband. Not knowing it is the very thing that has caused me to be faithful and giving to my wife. So let's forget that the bible actually tells the wives to submit to their husbands just for a moment. What are the benefits of submission? Many people won't be able to relate to my answer and some may think it's unrealistic, but you won't actually know until you try it.

So, when you submit to a man (God fearing man, otherwise its a boy), you allow him to have peace in his home. This means he would rather come home than go to some other girl's house that isn't going to ask him 101 questions about where he was. Submitting obligates a man to do something for his woman. Buy roses, clean the house, do the dishes (something he doesn't usually do). You can't just try this for a few days but you must be consistent or they will think this sudden change is a game that will soon end. When you submit to your husband, he will no longer have the need to give his attention to another woman because he feels you aren't listening to him. Trust me, when a man tells you something, he is watching to see if you will do what he says, or what someone else says. But many women have their own thoughts of submission.

Let's start with the myths and misconceptions of submission. Here are some of the things that it DOES NOT MEAN:  I can't have an opinion. I can't speak back. I can't question what he tells me. I must cater to whatever he wants all day every day. I am his stepping stool.

That is a man made opinion of submission, but God does not want to "shut the woman up". A submissive woman is a woman who questions their husband sometimes. It's ok to ask questions. Need an example of how that's true? Ok, Jesus, being fully submitted and submissive to God questioned him in his final days walking the earth. He said "Father, why have you forsaken me?" So even Jesus had some questions for his father and didn't think it was a horrible thing to ask for understanding. But even when he didn't get an answer or didn't understand, he went with the flow. He had trust in the person he submitted himself to.

Submission is simply trust. God wants you to trust your husband with your life. When your husband gives financial or spiritual direction for the house, trust what he says and help him (as the help mate) make it happen. Why is it that men can tell a woman outside of their home to do something and they will do it in a flash, but when they ask their wife, they will find a reason why they shouldn't listen or do what he has said? Women should give their advice and speak their mind (in love) but trust your husband through his failures and misconceptions. When he knows and feels that you will follow his direction, he will soon put you in the driver's seat to make decisions for him. Isn't that better than fighting over every decision made in your house? Many times you won't agree, but after you have stated your reservations or ideas, trust your husband and go with the flow.

You can't trust that he will make the right decisions all of the time because you don't make the right decisions all of the time. But if things are in order, you can trust God to turn everything around for your good. You can trust God to bless your home with peace and joy. To let you live life more abundantly. I hope you have married well. If you married a fool, you have to trust a fool. But know that "All things must work for the good of those who love the lord." You follow God's ways, and he will always be with you. This is a subject that comes with many questions, so leave your comments below and email me your questions. Until we meet again...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

What Will You Do For Your Kids?

What Are You Willing To Do For Your Kids?

Many parents around the world are fearful, scared, and disheartened about how their kids will turn out. Me and my wife would spend countless days discussing what we would and wouldn't allow our kids to do. We have had many discussions of how we were raised, what we remember, and what were the good and bad things that came from it. We agree on many things but of course there are disagreements that seem to be a larger problem than it really is. But after years of careful consideration and thought, we have finally come to a resolution and conclusion. Our kids will be us.

How do we know? Because we are our parents. I am all that I am because of my father, even though I can barely remember a thing he said to me growing up. We have thought about all of the many things our parents have said through life and what effect it had on us. We came to realize that though there were little things that lingered in our hearts and lay to bed in our minds, little of what they said really mattered. Everyone has heard the saying do what I say and not what I do; and everyone knows it doesn't work. So, now we know what doesn't work, but what does.

The old saying is still true. Actions speak louder than words. Me and my wife were having a conversation and wondered why it seems that almost everyone around us curses, maybe not in public, and maybe not in front of kids, but they do. So, why is it that we don't? It's because our parents never curse. Notice I didn't say our parents never curse in front of us, but they never curse. Therefore, those words are not apart of my vocabulary. Now I must admit, I did curse everyone out in the sixth grade for a day to try it out, but came to the conclusion its just not me. Now this may seem as if I'm just talking about me, but its how kids are wired.

I don't know why I seem to do everything my dad did but I do. Your kids are little tape recorders and they don't stop recording just because you are having a bad day. If you want them to stop yelling at kids and grown ups, you stop yelling at them. They begin to learn that yelling is the only way to get one's attention. If you don't want your kids to smoke weed, then you stop smoking it. Remember, we have new generation kids; don't think they don't see your blood shot red eyes when you walk in the door. Just think about the household items you use. If your mother used Crisco, you probably use Crisco. If she went to church every Sunday, you will probably find yourself there sooner or later.

The things you do while they are growing up will influence them more than anything you can say. Unless your words are followed by actions, they are useless and will be forgotten. Do you think your little girl will treat her wonderful husband as he deserves when he see's you treat your husband (who she thinks is perfect) badly every day. The same goes with men. There is a reason that boys usually abuse their wives when they have seen their mom beaten by their dad.

If you want your kids to have a fighting chance in this world. Teach them the ways of God. Don't teach them to react based on their emotions and mood swings. You can't teach by saying, you must teach by doing. Lets not yell at our kids everytime we're upset with them. Let us pray, read and learn with our kids everyday.  Let our marriages stay together. Lets show them an example of what a good parent is. Raise your kids with good morals and spiritual depth. That way, I can worry that much less because someone out there is raising their kids to be good enough to marry mine. Be encouraged, until next time......

Sunday, October 24, 2010

When Temptation Comes...

So, you find the woman you're willing to care for, cherish, maybe even die for. You say your "I do's" and POOF, all of your feelings of temptation simply go away right? Well, maybe I was naive, hopeful some may say, or just plain dumb; nevertheless, that was what I thought. Little did I know, the temptation had only just begun.

Do you notice that whenever you try to do something good, everything in the world that could make it bad all of a sudden is at your front door?  You say you're going to stop cursing, so someone makes you so upset you feel obligated to curse them out. You say you're going to stop drinking, then your cheap friend ask you out for drinks (they are paying of course).  You say you're not going to sleep around anymore, suddenly all of your old flings come out of the woodwork.  I can't say that I can explain why or even how this happens, but you know it does.

Since I have been married, I have heard things like, "If you come around me, I will rape you, I don't care if you're married" " We were together before her, why didn't he marry me?" "You don't know that girl, you won't last a year." Hearing these things can make you think back to what you could have, should have, would have done which is an entry point for temptation. Needless to say, I had to quickly choose who my "new" friends would be if I was going to make this thing called "marriage" work.

The first two years are the hardest. You're still in bachelor mode, you don't necessarily "feel" married, and all of the friends and family you know are getting a divorce (most instances because of a cheating spouse). Makes you think, "is it even possible for a man not to cheat?" "Am I fooling myself?" There was even a time where I didn't really want to wear my ring, not because I was thinking of being unfaithful, but because of the way I was treated by women. I wanted things to to be corgial and cool. What I found was that women would either treat me like they were allergic to talking or simply saying hello to a man with a ring, or I would be teated like the best pair of shoes in the store just got bought.

So, how does this make a man feel tempted? I'm glad you asked. A man can many times get more attention from a woman who barely knows him than his own wife.  I hear men everywhere speaking of how their woman will take the advice of their dad, pastor, brother or sister before they will listen to their man. (Think about how that would make you feel for a moment.)  This can make another woman seem appealing to a man, not necessarily in a sexual way, but with the combination of a lack of trust from their woman, things can go anywhere. Note to self ladies....If your man knows you don't trust them it makes them think, "Why the heck am I being faithful if she already thinks I'm cheating?" There has to be intervention.

That intervention should always come from God (that little still voice telling you to cut it off, don't be stupid, this is not good).  If you don't take head to that intervention my brother it may already be too late.  It is best not to put yourself in the position to be tempted as we do too many times. We like to stay close to the fire and say we're superman and won't get burned.  I like to use wisdom and stay in a place where there is NO fire, and NO chance to get burned. Did I learn to do this on my own you ask? Of course not, are you nuts? I mean, I am still a man. My wifee taught me that one, and no it didn't come quick or easy. She was working with 23 years of being a bachelor, what else can you expect? But it takes discipline (denying my flesh), self conciousness (realizing how I felt), and God (submitting to his word). Therefore I am able to do what so many say is impossible.

Please pray for me and all of my brothers out there who battle with this daily test called temptation, that we may continue to overcome when the tempter comes. Remember men, we can do ALL things but ONLY through CHRIST who gives us the strength to do so. Stay away from the very notion of temptation and you WILL win. You WILL have peace of mind. Most importantly, you WILL live a life that is pleasing to God.

Friday, October 15, 2010

(Purpose) Today It Ends...

This Kind of Sadness…This Kind of Pain
There has been an overflow of sadness around me. It hurts my heart to see so much pain. There are many things that make us sad; losing a loved one, being cheated on, or maybe you feel trapped at a dead end job. Those things can make you go through a variety of emotions, all leading to the inevitable sadness, pain and even depression.  While these times can be trying and may feel unbearable; I want to talk about a sadness that goes and hurts deeper than that. The pain of not knowing.

When you don’t know your purpose you are lost and unhappy with everything around you.  Nothing is good enough. So then we play the blame game for why we’re not happy. My kids are acting crazy. My husband is no good. If only I had more money. I’m not getting any help. But haven’t your kids always acted crazy? Wasn’t your husband no good when you married him? These are only the distracters of your very true and real crisis. Here is your real crisis:

You don’t know or you are not operating in YOUR PURPOSE!!

You may notice the statement that people say when they have given up……
I’ve given up on school because I don’t see the purpose.
I’m quitting my job because I don’t see the purpose of working there at minimum wage.
I’m getting a divorce because he will never change, so what’s the purpose?
I stop going to church because I don’t see the purpose.
What’s the purpose of speaking up if nobody listens?

My question is what are you waiting for? God has given you a purpose before he created you. Read Genesis, God didn’t even let the flowers grow until Adam was there to take care of them. Why? Because the flowers wouldn’t have had a purpose. In that same manner, God didn’t let you live until he gave you a purpose. Think about it; would your employer CREATE a new job before they had a purpose? So you ask, “How do I know my purpose?” I’m glad you asked. The same way you know a car’s purpose, the same way you know an ipod’s purpose, the same way you know the purpose of a song. You ask the CREATOR (Jesus Christ). Your friend or father may be able to tell you what a car is used for, but the creator can tell you how to use its gadgets (your gifts), the outcome of using those gadgets (your destiny), and the reason it was given those gadgets (your purpose).

Fulfill your purpose; or this kind of sadness that comes from not operating in your gifts can be detrimental to your attitude, actions, and even your sanity. What have you been dreaming about that won’t let you go? What is that thing that you and everyone around you say you should be doing? When I think of great people, I think of people filled with Purpose. People can lose their marriage and get fired from their job; but if they are operating in their purpose, they have a peace within themselves. Choose to have peace. I will not die until I have fulfilled my purpose. I won’t spend another day in sadness. I will not infect my friends and loved ones with sadness and pain another day of my life. This kind of sadness has left my life. This kind of pain is gone. Today it ends...

People I know operating in purpose


http://www.doitdivinely.com/  Jennifer Hammock


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aas2QlHzX3A&NR=1  I Have A Purpose That I MUST Fulfill He's Given Me Life And I CHOOSE TO LIVE!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Simplicity of Marriage

Husband and Wife Becoming ONE = Inherent Friction

Be the change you want to see in your spouse. Marriage is one of the most complicated and simple things we can experience in life. It’s complicated because all people are different, making every marriage different. It’s simple; because there is actually one place we can all go to and find the solution. I will talk about the solution soon, but what about our problems and issues?

One of the most common issues we have in marriages is TRUST, but not the trust you may be thinking of. I’m speaking about the trust in yourself, your perspective, and your opinion. Many of us have held on to what we feel is right and how we should be treated based on what we have seen from our parents, grandparents and even television, without asking, what if they all have it wrong; or what if their way doesn’t work for me. Unless our views and opinions are fundamentally sound, we are holding on to the views and concepts of failure. Pretty soon you feel frustrated, trapped, and divorce feels like the only inevitable and unavoidable choice.

Self control or lack thereof is another reason why we find many things unbearable. Whether your spouse can’t keep on their clothes, or maybe you can’t close your mouth, they both have the same underlying problem; lack of self control. Maybe you have been holding too much control; control of what your spouse can and can’t listen to, watch, or even spend. All of these things can drive your spouse Crazy, but its always the other person’s fault, or is it? While many of these things can be traced back to the MAN not taking his rightful place in the home, both men and women have their equal share of the blame.

Be encouraged, there is nothing wrong with you!! To your surprise, there is also nothing wrong with your spouse. Don’t take it personal (though this can be difficult). It is simply something wrong with the way you think. If there was something wrong with YOU, you would be in a helpless and hopeless situation that all the help in the world couldn’t bring you out of. Thank God it is just our mind, the way we think, the information we have let settle in our minds that is not based on the Wisdom of God. We change our minds everyday, which means your life and situation CAN change (when you read that, actually believe it).

Believing is the solution to your problem. You must first believe in the one true source, which is Jesus and doing things his way. Most of us say that we believe in Jesus, God, our savior, etc. and will have a ‘fit’ if anyone says different, but its more to believing than just saying it (even though that’s a good start). Hear what I am about to say and let it sink in…..

When we give up on our marriage, we give up on God.
When we give up on our spouse, we are saying God is not able.
When we hold on to unforgiveness, we are telling God we do not want him to forgive us.
When we say that there is no hope, we are telling God that he is not bigger than our situation.

For God said, “YOU can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens YOU.”

I can tell you assuredly that God IS in fact ABLE. Not only that, but he said that he can do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all you can ask or even THINK. Many of us are thinking that the only way out of our situation is divorce, when that is only the easy way out and doesn’t solve your problem. You’ve tried it your way for so long and you have received the same results. Webster’s Dictionary definition of a fool: One who acts contrary to moral and religious wisdom. Let us not ignore God’s perfect Wisdom, which is to walk in his principles.

Be the change you want to see in your spouse. We are always asking God to change the person we love so much, when we learned to love them just as they were, while they were still “acting a fool”. We hung in there when they were our boyfriend/girlfriend, but as soon as we get married, we want a divorce. We have it twisted. When we enter into marriage, we are saying “I know you have issues, but we will work them out”. That WE begins with ME. How do I get the priviledge of not changing, but my spouse MUST change. My change is not based on their change, but change begins with ME. If our change is not based on the word of God, our change is based on our ever changing opinion. We all know what happens when two strong opinions come together. Make the choice to be the change you want in your husband or wife. I hope you received some direction and were encouraged. Comments are welcome. Until we meet again…..